I'm here to help.

You know what your problem is? Your life just isn't surreal enough. In the good way, I mean.

So here's what I'm doing for you: I'm giving you not one, but two dueling auctioneers. I'm gonna throw in a yodeling lassoist, and a cameo appearance by David Byrne and John Goodman:



There, now don't you feel better?

This excellent clip is from the highly recommended movie True Stories. Go find it, and buy it, you'll be glad you did.